From the outside, everything can look perfect: the child is healthy and provided with everything necessary. He has mom. But there is no main thing – her love and sincere attention. What is fraught with a child and what to do the mother herself? The psychotherapist explains.
Such a child is an unacceptable child. “Some mothers love infants: they like pregnancy and communication with the baby up to a year, when it is perceived as an obedient toy. And then the child grows up, and the mother loses interest in him, ”says the psychotherapist Veronika Stepanova. – For example, he understands that he prevents him from building a career, preventing him from divorcing his father or developing relationships with other men. The child may not justify the tasks assigned to him if with his help it was not possible to save the family. A woman can suddenly realize that the baby becomes like an unloved husband or mother -in -law. “. What is happening in such a situation?
Emotional shutdown
The mother provides only the primary needs of the child: to put on, feed, teach, but completely turns off the sector of empathy. This can happen in the literal sense of the word: the child turns to his mother, and in response – silence. Or a pause between his question and her answer is inadequately long – as if he had not asked anything.
The kid remains with the feeling that it is pointless to turn to the world with a question or request – he must solve his problems himself.
What threatens: the child grows up without hearing his feelings. It is parents who let the children understand that they are important and valuable for this world. If the feedback does not occur, the child does not understand himself, his true desires and interests. In the future, such a person is often fenced off from any close relationship, preferring them emotionally shifted, as more familiar to him.
Direct or indirect anger
If the mother expresses negative emotions directly – shouts or applies physical violence, the child lives with a load of guilt, because
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he is sure that his mother is unhappy, then he is bad. However, an indirect anger is no less dangerous when the child is subjected to emotional violence: they are forced to do what he has no interest and inclinations, they require brilliant results in his studies.
What threatens: the need and adulthood again live your child’s pain or cause it to other people. This trauma experienced can form a sadomasochist who remains in captivity of the cruelty of his mother forever.